After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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