Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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