I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
