so explain again why im purple
no
Jerry, you need to find god
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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