i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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