speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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