why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
third nipple confirmed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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