Having a random hookup so left but love u
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
