dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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