i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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