She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
