I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I want is dick and wine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
