He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
