so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
