She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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