would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
