Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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