I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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