The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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