i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
