Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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