take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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