so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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