So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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