If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
