Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
