i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
