We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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