Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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