Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
