he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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