the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
