she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
