Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
