You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
