There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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