I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
