I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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