i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
