remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize