I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
