I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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