I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
