sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
