One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
