; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do herpes really smell.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
