Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
