Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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