no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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