Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize