You really coming over, don't trick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
