You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
