So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
