She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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