You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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