I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
