one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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