Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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