lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
