and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
