Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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