I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
