i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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