I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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