will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
