Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
