He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
