I'm going to jail i love you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
