He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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