"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
