the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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