I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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