His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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