Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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