Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
