my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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