woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The power of my boobs compel you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
