please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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