i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
