So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
