Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
