I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
