I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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