hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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