So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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