Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
