I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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