Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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