Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My penis needs a shock collar
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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