ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
