i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize