I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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