I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
