Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
