I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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