Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
