last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
