When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
